How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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