first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
