So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
