Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
