Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
