My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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