well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
