youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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