She is in my trunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
