I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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