I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
