So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
