Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
