Don't make out with my wife yet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
