I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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