I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
