Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
