look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you win again, gameday.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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