You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
