Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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