I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
