watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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