He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
