I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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