Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
