If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
