Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
