I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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