Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
