imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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