i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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