oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
