how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
