My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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