I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
