@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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