I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
