remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
