im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
