She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
