did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
