I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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