My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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