My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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