I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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