Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Panties = found
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
