You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
