I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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