Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So drunk its hurt
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
