i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
