I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
