Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize