Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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