That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
