my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
