talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My liver just had a heart attack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MIDGETS
????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
