I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
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I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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