he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
