u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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