Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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