I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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