Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I didn't notice because vodka
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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