I think I just saw someone hide a body.
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
