Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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