I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
