she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
