I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
