Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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