I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do herpes really smell.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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