ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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