shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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