why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
