You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
