This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We smell like vodka and hangover
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