i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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