My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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