ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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