i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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