the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize