I love black thongs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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