tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
