OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
