I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I deserve this hangover.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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