I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
