It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
