I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
