I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
