I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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